Big flashes of revelation this weekend in teaching Evolutionary Enlightenment in Missoula. We had a fantastic group of very heartfelt and honest people diving into the inquiry of what it means to be a human being in the 21st century.

Through our conversations I realized that it is a firmly held belief in our modern, luxurious society that spiritual search should always feel good. We believe that spirituality means opening of the heart, and only opening of the heart, and that should always feel good. The end point of the spiritual search should be the ultimate feel-good, and we should experience ever increasing waves of bliss as we get nearer.

I realized that this is one of the major obstacles in wanting to be free. If we demand a feel-good experience from our spiritual teachers, then we are basically asking (no demanding) that we be lied to.

The truth of the matter is that going beyond ego is a very difficult and feels painful and stressful. It's actually HARD! Imagine laying down the part of yourself that feels like it always has to be in control. that feels like it already knows everything, that feels like you are special and unique. The real experience is like standing up to a wild herd of horses, but that herd is in your head. It takes an emense stance of will, confidence and strength to even begin the process, much less stick with it to ultimate succees.

It takes a heroic soul with a huge heart to believe that the end result of all this stress and agony will actually be a place of freedom. But it's not like a ladder, where you climb up each rung, feeling better the higher you go. In fact, the search for egolessness has been termed, "The Dark Night of the Soul." And it can feel like that.

If you are reading this and saying, "Hey! That's not for me!" I don't blame you at all. The post modern narcissist in us all feels like we have a right to happiness, and that happiness is the measure of us. But what if there was something with more depth and reality than a fleeing happiness? What if there was a place of freedom where you could drop the chains of conditionings, where you could become a fully participating member of the human species, where you could join the new wave for humanity. Would that be worth a little stress, a little struggle with your inner demons and fears?